It was a frighteningly late hour when we pulled
up to his house. The sky was dark with
winter clouds, hiding any chance of starlight.
It was chilly and my stomach flipped as he
opened my car door. What was I doing?
I knew I was being foolish, but my seizing pain
caused me to shake the caution away.
The man in gray was strangely quiet as we walked
to the front door. I laughed nervously.
“So this is where you live then?” He
smiled and opened the door. It was very
I could not see. It smelled dank as if
closed up for quite some time. I began to
change my mind. I turned abruptly “I think
maybe I should go…” In turning I ran into
him. He was warm, his arms gently touched
me. “Don’t go.” He whispered.
“It’s cold out there…don’t think so much.
Didn’t your daddy ever teach you life is
His words were calm but triggered the deep
rooted pain in my heart. I leaned up,
desperate for love, and kissed him. At
first he acted unresponsive to my kiss, almost
smug and aloft. I tried harder to draw his
attention to me, and he laughed almost
mockingly, deep and quiet; at the same time he
whispered in my ear...
"I can see why your boyfriend left you.”
I pulled away, stunned with pain. “Please
take me home.” He raised his eye brows.
“Hey, it was just a little joke.” I walked
towards the door and he reached for me, kissing
me passionately. Tears poured down my
cheeks. I fought at first but gave in,
longing…starving for love.
He pulled away sharply. “Man, I’m taking
you home. I have too much to do tonight.
Come on!” His voice frightened me as he
jerked open the door and walked towards his car.
I slid into the seat, silent and stunned.
He drove sharply off and shrieked up in front of
the coffee house where my car sat now covered in
I went to open my door, and his hand flew over
and stopped me. “You’ve got to toughen up,
sweetie” he said, his face suddenly looking
wholesome and endearing. “I was trying to make
this fun, but you just wouldn’t let that
Loosen up and maybe next time we’ll have a good
I looked into his eyes with complete confusion,
my mind vulnerable and spiraling out of control.
My heart continued to break inside of me, and I
longed for just an ounce of comfort from the
night. As if reading my thoughts the man
in gray slowly leaned towards me and kissed me
“I will be here tomorrow,” he said. I,
dazed, nodded and opened my door.
“Goodnight baby,” he said as I walked toward my
car. He sped away.
That night…I dreamed
I didn’t see anything at first. It was calm and
when I looked around me it was like that quiet
darkness just before dawn.
Then just in the distance I saw the faintest
glow, like a small splinter of light rising
slowly on the horizon. It was the sun. The sky
turned to an orange and pink hue; the air was so
fresh. The sun was now a brilliant gold, washing
over me; every crevice of my face felt warmed by
The wind was calm but growing stronger,
beginning to blow my hair and caressing the
blades of the grass around me.
I looked into a stream, caressing its stillness
with ripples echoing out...
My face was there...still, calm, peering back at
me...like a silent whisper of who I was to be.
I was lovely...brave...astonishingly powerful.
I woke, lying in my bed...quiet and mystified,
watching the ceiling fan blades above spin
around and around like the broken carousel of my
love starved heart.