I didn’t understand why but I couldn’t get him
off of my mind. All throughout my day his eyes
would flash into my mind, his smile, his
strength. What was it about him that drew me? I
shook my head. He was a jerk. He’s just going to
hurt you. “Just walk away my mind said.”
I decided to listen to wisdom. I decided to
treat myself to the fair one last time. I bought
myself a cotton candy and started to walk the
premises, smiling at the kids on the rides and
laughing at the overly ambitious boyfriends
trying to win an impressive prize. I looked
around taking it all in when my eyes stopped
dead on the back of a man’s head.
I lowered my cotton candy and watched as the man
turned around, his arm around his girlfriend. It
was my ex.
He stopped and looked at me, shocked. His mouth
opened as if to explain. I put my hand up and
backed up, walking as fast as I could to escape
the range of his voice. Tears burst from my eyes
until I could hardly see. He had lied, he lied
I got into my car and sat for a moment, too
stunned to even breathe. Pain, anger, betrayal
and rage coursed through my entire body. I was
so tired of the pain! I looked at the clock and
threw my car into drive, speeding out of the
parking lot like a bat out of hell.
The diner looked dimmer this time when I drove
up. I sat down in a booth and glanced quickly
around like a girl on the run, wondering if I
would see the man in gray. My coffee came, and I
grew anxious waiting; minutes passed and then an
Finally I paid my check and was moving to leave
when a shadow fell over my table with the most
We got into his car and headed for his house. I
was so raw I couldn’t think or feel during the
whole drive there. We pulled into the drive, and
he walked to my door, helping me from the car. I
stumbled a bit, shell shocked and bitterly
broken. I felt dizzy as he approached me.
It was too dark to see.
It was a blur, my mind to foggy to comprehend
that moment in the dark. I yearned for comfort,
for his arms, but he pushed past me quickly and
headed for the door. “Please,” I cried “Please
hold me, just for a moment.” He looked at me
coldly, a smirk in his smile.
I realized it was time to go.
He rushed me to his car and drove me to the
diner. I sat un-responsive, numb to the core.
“Hey” he said, his voice growing gentle.
“Toughen up.” He leaned over and kissed me.
“There, is that what you wanted? Seriously, get
out. I have to go.” I stumbled out, and he shut
the door. “I’ll be around baby.” Off he sped.
When I reached home, I fell on my bed. My body
felt disgusting…I hated myself, I hated
everything. Too numb to cry, I lied down,
silent, still, eyes closed.
I fell into a deep, deep sleep, all the memories